it's time

Life is too short to let it go by unnoticed. Therefore it is time to begin speaking through my art again. it's been far too long.

Letters.

Once upon a time.. I was passionate about words. So much that I lived and breathed writing and became infatuated with spelling out all aspects of my sleepless mind. But somewhere in there, time came in and took that love away from me only allowing me slivers of remembrance.

Why is it that the things we love fall away and we are left with pieces in the end? Who wants pieces.. who wants the leftovers of a heart torn and worn? As writing was taken away from me, I too was taken from my Savior. How? By my own sinful desires and inconsistencies. I know.. horrible comparison but God makes connections in the strangest ways. He speaks in more ways than we usually admit or allow and if we would simply open our eyes we would see Him writing love letters to us constantly in daily life.. we just have to slow down enough to open them. If you leave them left unopened long enough, you'll wind up down the road with a love you never wanted.. a love of sin and the things of this world.. while God's love letters speak so beautifully of grace, mercy and peace and give us glimpses of paradise.

What hurts more is leaving those letters left unanswered. Reading them and tossing them into a pile to be forgotten. What if Christ forgot about us? That's hard to comprehend because He never, ever will. He is the lover that will never cease to love and encourage. He gently corrects and guides us towards reconciliation. Then why is it so hard to forget about Him? Why do we allow ourselves to fall away when His love is so welcoming.. These things I never will understand. I can contemplate them day after day with no comfort on my own accord. If we would simply open ourselves up to the Father we would understand what He has for us. But the less we seek Him, the more busy we get, the more answers we try to find on our own.. the further away from Him we find ourselves. So the answer is easy, yet it is still difficult! Chase after God's heart and you will find it. Strive after His will and He will come through in His own way.

Words.

Silent.. a word.. a state of being.. an emotion. A word that I never understood nor accepted or allowed in my life before. However.. silent is what I am and what I have been for a season. My heart is crying out but there are no words to describe the battle going on in my soul.

Emptiness is a new word that I've grown to abhor. It is the absence of all things and the addition of an abyss not easily filled. It is the raw emotion of being nothing at all and having nothing left to give. How ironic that emptiness leads to silence and silence equally pours into emptiness creating a vicious cycle not easily escaped.

Hope.. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.. a person or thing that may help or save someone.. a feeling of trust. To break free from abusive emotional states we need to cling to hope. The moment we hope and put our trust in someone that saves.. in our Savior.. we begin a new journey. A journey to joy and to begin being filled.. a journey to speechlessness rather than silence. Where we are in awe of where we've been and the miracle that Christ died to give. The miracle unveils understanding that in order to begin the climb to beauty and restoration we have to be brought down to our own destruction.

But destruction leads to healing, new beginnings and joy that surpasses our pain. This doesn't mean that all of the pain disappears but joy has the ability to put things into perspective.. to allow us to see that this earthly struggle is nothing in comparison to the promise of life that was given so selflessly to us by the loving Father and His Son who realized purpose is only found in our Father. So we'll keep pressing on and pressing in.. knowing that hope is what we have whether we feel it or not. And God is always by our side.. enduring the same emotions and situations.