Silence.

Why is it that the words that we speak can never mirror the thoughts we have or echo the rhythm of our hearts?  Writing is a beautiful language but it somehow cannot articulate the intricacies of our emotions.. it always falls short of fulfilling the effect that a tear has, or a laugh, or even a smile.  Why do we feel so connected by language when events tell us that words often tear us apart?  If we sat in the silence and simply watched a person act and react, we would understand the depths of their being to an elevated level without uttering a single word.  Maybe that is what I am missing out on in my relationship with Christ.  I always seem to think that I need to fill the air with a word or a prayer but I never allow myself to just bask in his glory and enjoy the silence.  Perhaps that's my goal for the week.. spending time with Christ and waiting for his emotions to permeate the silence.

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.  God is the friend of silence.  See how nature-- trees, flowers, grass-- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.

--Mother Teresa

House.

Last night, a couple of friends and I rented the movie House by Ted Dekker and Frank Peretti.  At first it seemed slightly cheesy, but I am a horror-film connoisseur, and seemed to develop much like every other thriller I have seen.  However, as it progressed I began to get chills.. the story is completely relevant and refers to the struggle that every human being encounters: the destructive nature of sin and the pull of guilt and shame on our lives.

We've all been through it.. the thought in our mind that "I'm not good enough, I've done too many horrible things and God could never love me."  But the truth is, God is not circumstantial.  He is never surprised by what we do and always has an outstretched hand to offer love and encouragement.  Whether we smoked pot a few times in our life, lied to our parents, stole a candy bar, or killed a man, God looks at us with the same compassion and showers grace upon us.   We will, also, never be able to understand this aspect of God.  Human nature hinges on justice and fairness.. we rely completely on "an eye for eye, tooth for a tooth" mentality.  But that is the BEAUTY of our relationship with the Father!  If there were no separation between the internal workings of God and man, there would be no salvation, no grace, no need for God.

"And I pray that you and all God's holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ's love-- how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is.  Christ's love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love.  Then you can be filled with the fullness of God.  With God's power working in us, God can do much, much more than anything we can ask or imagine."

--Ephesians 3:18-20

Follow.

Stepping foot on the ever-familiar Colorado soil brought back a whirlwind of emotions and memories, some I wasn't ready to face, others bringing a smile and sense of joy to my heart.  Whatever the case, I loaded my suitcase into the back of Megan's Blazer and hit the road to Cheyenne where new adventures and old friends awaited.

A new house..

a new vibe..

a new understanding of my calling.

Knowing that this state is only temporary was a hard adjustment and truly witnessing with my own eyes that the world did indeed continue to go on without me was a little hard to take. . how could I let these relationships go so unattended?  All of a sudden, nothing was familiar, nothing was the way it had seemed before, and I began to feel as if my image had been cut haphazardly from the page where it belonged and mindlessly taped into a story where it didn't quite fit.

I love Cheyenne.

I love my caring, humorous family.

I love my supportive, life-giving friends..

but most of all I love Jesus.

I was reading out of the book of Matthew yesterday and I had a new understanding of Jesus' presence of majesty.  While walking along the shore, Jesus saw Peter and Andrew fishing and simply told them to follow.  This is what gets me, "They didn't ask questions but simply dropped their nets and followed."  The same thing happened when Jesus passed James and John.. "Jesus made the same offer to them, and they were just as quick to follow, abandoning father and boat."

These guys had a faith that blows my mind.. they dropped fishing.. they dropped their very livelihood and source of existence to follow Jesus not even knowing exactly what it would look like.  For James and John, it even meant leaving their father behind.  Then I had the realization that this is my moment, this is the time when Jesus is standing on my doorstep saying, "follow me," and it's my turn to drop the familiar and follow his lead.  This means leaving behind Cheyenne, my family, my friends, my church and the safety that these all bring.  I don't really know exactly what this fall will look like or how long my time in Boston is for.. but I know that I am being invited by my loving and providing Father to step out in faith and follow.

So here I am..

standing on the doorstep..

and I'm about to follow.