Yearn.

Our souls were created to yearn.. to desire something far more than our minds can ever begin to comprehend. The beauty of the yearning ignited deep within the darkest corners of our being is that you don't have to understand to move.. to act.. to believe and belong. But the irony of yearning is that you realize when what you are yearning for is distant.. when it is a mere brush away. And the further you allow that yearning to dissipate.. the deeper you feel the sense of being alone grow. You see, when what we yearn for slips from our grip we too fall from our reality into an existence that challenges the truth that sets us free.. colors become less vibrant, sleep becomes more inviting, and a melancholy that is immeasurable begins to ensue.

Each day I slip farther away from God..

when I give up on the desire to yearn something more.

and each day it's a battle to keep Him at the center.

but I'll press on..

and seek Him harder than the day before.

to ensure that this beautiful yearning remains

vibrant and true.

Conviction.

Conviction is something that has quickly become a constant in my life.. much different than it's counterpart of guilt, God uses it to challenge and refine us. The pounding of my heart as the realization takes full hold of emotion reminds me that being in God's will is not for the weak or faint of heart. As His unending love seeps into the depths of our reality, we cannot help but begin the painful transformation into a sold-out follower of Christ, our example. This life does not come without burden, but promises a horizon of challenges, pain and temptation. I can think of nothing more that I would long to pursue than to be purged of these shortcomings and made blameless in the sight of my heavenly Father, a daughter worthy of love. But that's the beauty of grace.. the fact that I will never achieve perfection and will always be stained and worthless by comparison is the manifestation of the love so freely given. God is the essence of all that is holy, true and right.. I am nothing. But where my nothing is offset by His everything, a collision of mercy, love and righteousness meets my filth and I am lovingly reconciled to my Maker.

Isaiah 1 will tear you up.

Enough.

Where is the balance? Between a heart that screams for your desires, a soul that yearns a greater call and a mind that halts all movement. The inner struggle that consumes longs to force fear and doubt into the truth that was so freely given.. this is the battle, one birthed at the beginning of time. The enemy lives for nothing more than to see us paralyzed, apathetic at best until life itself slips from our grip. But my God will not stand for this.. No, He is far more than the powers of this world and already has the victory. So I will press on and hold His heart as the promise of a life He has well kept for me. A greater day where all is restored back to His all-consuming compassion and favor. And the beautiful thing is that Satan hates nothing more than when we take our sorrows and turn them into joy. We have known no pain as great as our Savior's. Step out and take a risk because Christ risked it all upon the cross.

But in every way we show we are servants of God: in accepting many hard things, in troubles, in difficulties, and in great problems... We show we are servants of Christ by our pure lives, our understanding patience and kindness, by the Holy Spirit, by true love, by speaking the truth, and by God's power. We use our right living to defend ourselves against everything.

2 Corinthians 6:4, 6:6-7