Pull.

What is it that pulls me to life..  what I'm getting at is what is it that starts the action and cultivates a reaction in my life?  

As I was sitting, replaying the events of my life, a strange concept hit me with full force.  When conviction numbs you to your core, you take notice.  I am about to embark on a journey.. to where, I have not the faintest idea but God brought up a question.  "What made your last journey?  Was it me?  Or was it something else?"  When it comes down to it, did I really cling to God for all that I was yearning for or was I relying on others as my go to?  I am confident that much of what took place was done with the Lord's strength but it made me question whether I am looking to rely on others once more.  I need a challenge.  I need new settings.  Maybe I need to be "new" again to be back in the state where God is the focus, as life should always be.  This cannot be done any longer, I can't base my faith and my relationship with the Father off of what someone else believes, what do I believe?  I have been tested in my personal faith, but it is no where near solidified.  I want God, and I want all of Him.. I want to test the depths of His love and find my adventure and source in Him.  I am now twenty years old and an adult.. how did I ever reach this state without understanding it's responsibilities?  It's my turn to seek God.. He is always there waiting but what have I done lately to pursue Him?  

This heart is aching for truth, for understanding, for love.. and the source of course is Christ.  That is my journey.  The destination is neither the end nor the answer.  Whether God leads me to the ends of the earth or right next door, my heart is hungry for Him alone.  He will lead me to the right surroundings, the right people, and the right life to strengthen my pursuit.

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

-Misty Edwards

Faith.

Being home has been absolutely amazing and well-needed.  There have been days where I have said, "There's no way I'm going back to Boston.. I love my friends and family too much to leave," but God continues to remind me of His promises.  This fall will be what I make of it.  I'm going to give it my all, never skip a beat, and bask in the glory of Christ and my relationship with Him.  I am confident that God is going to rock my faith again and challenge me to be uncomfortable so He can work more in my life.. that's alright by me.  

Sometimes I think that's why He called me so far away from home.. I can't just get in my car and drive to see my parents when I'm having a hard time or go knocking on my best friend's door when I need help.  This enables God to be the center.. to be essential where he should be 100% of the time.  He is my Father and if we look at it in terms of eternity, He's really the only one that will always be there for me.  This is not to say that I won't miss all of you terribly.. because I will.  I want to keep in touch, keep up these relationships because they are so important to me.  I love all of you :]

Seeing the Bigger Picture.

Creation.

Something I uncovered while reading my journal.. something that reminded me of the awe-factor of God:

God, I adore being in nature.. I love the passing clouds, the warmth of the sun, and the cool dirt beneath my feet.  I love it all.  I think that I see you most when I'm surrounded by your creation.  Every time the wind rustles my hair and the sun kisses my skin, I know you are near.  The birds echo your praises and butterflies model your gentle majesty.  Lord, to see your works is to see a glimpse of you.  I wonder as I gaze at the vast blue sky if it is the color of your eyes or the red clay is the hue of your skin.  I wonder more so if you even have a shape that can be comprehended or if you are as fluid as the ocean's waves.  Father, if this creation.. this stunning, breathtaking scene was inspired by your beautiful mind and molded by the words from your lips, how striking must you be?

Prayer is like reading old love letters.. you still get goosebumps and long to draw closer in your affection.  I would recommend re-reading things.. it brings everything into perspective.. but for now, just marvel at God's majesty.. it will blow your mind.