Pull.

What is it that pulls me to life..  what I'm getting at is what is it that starts the action and cultivates a reaction in my life?  

As I was sitting, replaying the events of my life, a strange concept hit me with full force.  When conviction numbs you to your core, you take notice.  I am about to embark on a journey.. to where, I have not the faintest idea but God brought up a question.  "What made your last journey?  Was it me?  Or was it something else?"  When it comes down to it, did I really cling to God for all that I was yearning for or was I relying on others as my go to?  I am confident that much of what took place was done with the Lord's strength but it made me question whether I am looking to rely on others once more.  I need a challenge.  I need new settings.  Maybe I need to be "new" again to be back in the state where God is the focus, as life should always be.  This cannot be done any longer, I can't base my faith and my relationship with the Father off of what someone else believes, what do I believe?  I have been tested in my personal faith, but it is no where near solidified.  I want God, and I want all of Him.. I want to test the depths of His love and find my adventure and source in Him.  I am now twenty years old and an adult.. how did I ever reach this state without understanding it's responsibilities?  It's my turn to seek God.. He is always there waiting but what have I done lately to pursue Him?  

This heart is aching for truth, for understanding, for love.. and the source of course is Christ.  That is my journey.  The destination is neither the end nor the answer.  Whether God leads me to the ends of the earth or right next door, my heart is hungry for Him alone.  He will lead me to the right surroundings, the right people, and the right life to strengthen my pursuit.

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

-Misty Edwards