Storm.

Where do we go from here?  All of these years have been welling up to break through in a storm.  Emotions too strong to be contained, a heart beating uncontrollably.  Where is my God, I used to wonder.. abandon was a word I used to describe Him.  But I didn't know Him.. and I still don't.  Each day I question His love and seclude Him to my selfish, inconsistent thoughts.. Today I'm an orphan, left alone to fend for myself.. screaming out to be saved by a Father who never wanted me.  My throat runs dry and my eyes can cry no more.

Who is my Father?

Who am I to dictate who my God is?  It's my fallen soul that screams out lies and drowns the truth with its ugly shrieks.

Who is my Father?

My Father is true.  He is love in the purest form and will never leave me.  He has saved me countless times, shielded and protected me from the afflictions of the Enemy.  He has lifted me up, poured purity into my heart, and set my soul free.  My heart beats for Him alone and I will keep pressing forward and learning to fight alongside Him.  He goes before me, sending angels, preparing the way and keeping my path safe.  He is a promise, truth, and life in the fullest.  Who would push away a Father like Him?  Who could ever question His character?  He is knocking, always knocking but it's a choice to let Him in.

Today I choose to let go of my orphan mentality and hold tight to the truth that my Father is near, holding me in His arms and comforting me from the storm.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in.       Revelation 3:20

Love Letter.

Imagine pouring your entire being into a love letter that will be read, disregarded and disposed of.  Your heart beats to express the love that it contains, knowing that it is a risk to convey the words but risking is half of the reward and the battle entirely.  For if you are loved, it will be returned in ten fold.. but if you are denied, your vulnerability will be put on display and you may be broken for an eternity.

Now can you apply this when it comes to God?

This is precisely what the Bible is.. a raw and beautiful account of a love so forceful and amazing.. so pure and awe-inspiring.  God poured out His unending passion for all; we have heard, we have read, we have disregarded.  The pain that Christ experienced on the cross is a parallel and outward expression of the turmoil the heart of the Father was enduring at our blatant ignorance and pride.  I cannot even begin to fathom the deep pain of rejection Christ endured to set our relationship with God anew.. to pour it all out for a society that never wanted Him.  Would I be able to love if I knew I wouldn't be loved back?

His love is so pure, so real and I am blessed in ways unimaginable. Christ is the lover of my soul and knows me to my depths.  Have you experienced that love?

Come close listen to the story
about a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers broken heart
tears were filling heaven's eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, The day that true love died

Search your heart you know you can’t deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

Phil Wickham- True Love

All as it should be.

Experiencing a moment in time when all is as it should be.. when I am kneeling at the feet of my Father, allowing all of my sin to be stripped away and healed by His grace.  When time seems to stand still and I am no longer a soul blind to His majesty but included in divine relationship and encouraged to soar.  That's when a heart will be set free.. free to love, free to live, free to find identity.

Right.

Anticipation builds, waiting is pivotal.. God speaks in a way I wasn't expecting, yet knowing it is my fate.  Outreach.

A country that I have thought of frequently yet never seen myself serving in.  My heart nearly beat out of my chest when they called my name.. I knew at that point that it was right.. His decisions are true.  After praying, I was convinced.

It's going to be a battle.. I will protect you.  Be careful, but go.  I am calling you to be a warrior.

Speaking the truth I had unearthed in God's words and promises to my school leaders, they confirmed that these were exact words they had received in praying for me and my location.  God is taking me to a battle.. a time of growth.  I will need strength, perfected in Him.

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