Words.

Silent.. a word.. a state of being.. an emotion. A word that I never understood nor accepted or allowed in my life before. However.. silent is what I am and what I have been for a season. My heart is crying out but there are no words to describe the battle going on in my soul.

Emptiness is a new word that I've grown to abhor. It is the absence of all things and the addition of an abyss not easily filled. It is the raw emotion of being nothing at all and having nothing left to give. How ironic that emptiness leads to silence and silence equally pours into emptiness creating a vicious cycle not easily escaped.

Hope.. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.. a person or thing that may help or save someone.. a feeling of trust. To break free from abusive emotional states we need to cling to hope. The moment we hope and put our trust in someone that saves.. in our Savior.. we begin a new journey. A journey to joy and to begin being filled.. a journey to speechlessness rather than silence. Where we are in awe of where we've been and the miracle that Christ died to give. The miracle unveils understanding that in order to begin the climb to beauty and restoration we have to be brought down to our own destruction.

But destruction leads to healing, new beginnings and joy that surpasses our pain. This doesn't mean that all of the pain disappears but joy has the ability to put things into perspective.. to allow us to see that this earthly struggle is nothing in comparison to the promise of life that was given so selflessly to us by the loving Father and His Son who realized purpose is only found in our Father. So we'll keep pressing on and pressing in.. knowing that hope is what we have whether we feel it or not. And God is always by our side.. enduring the same emotions and situations.