As Vast as the Ocean

It seems that I see God most vividly at our community worship nights every other Thursday and last night was no different.  While I was singing, God gave me a vision of a deserted beach under an overcast sky, waves softly washing onto the beach.  And there I was standing on the beach with Jesus, sweeet (at least what I picture Jesus to look like).  He was holding me in His arms, hugging me and telling me I will never be alone with Him in my heart.

I stepped away, bowed before Him, and held my heart in my hands offering it to Jesus.  That's when He took it from my hands, helped me to my feet and we walked to the water.  Jesus walked into the water, with my heart in His hands and let the waves wash over it.  As we walked out of the water, He told me the water cleansed my heart so it will beat for only Him.  Then He pressed my heart back into my chest and He told me to fly into the world.  He lifted me up while a light engulfed me and I turned into a dove, and flew away from the beach and out into the world.

It was strangely beautiful and extremely moving.  It sounds so weird, especially turning into a dove but God is always showing me doves and I find it fitting that I have a dove tattoo.  He even called me His Dove.  So I'm trying to decipher what that could mean as far as my destiny goes.

The Power of Prayer.. Like WOAH

This week our speaker is Nick Savoca and he has been talking about the Father Heart of God.  It's been awesome.  Another amazing thing is Nick is the inventor of the Prayer Station, which God showed to him some years ago.  Tonight we had the opportunity to take prayer to the streets through the Prayer Station and it was AMAZING.

First, let me tell you what a Prayer Station is.  It is a table set up with a banner hung above it that simply says "Prayer Station" or "Place of Prayer."  Then we all stand around it and walk/talk to people and pretty much just say, "We're out here praying for people and I was wondering if I could pray for you."  Simple, yet so powerful and needed.

When we first got out to Copley Square and set up our Prayer Station, I was nervous.. but I knew I had to give it a shot.  I got a lot of rejections at first and I wanted to quit but God reminded me that it wasn't about me at all, so I kept on truckin' and boy, am I glad I did.

I just felt the Holy Spirit take over me and soon I was singing songs while waiting for people to walk by and I was filled with joy.  Although I only got to pray with two people, a lot of people were interested in the fact that we were out praying and a lot of Christians I talked to asked if they could pray for us.

One woman that I prayed for really blessed me; God definitely led me to her.  I walked up to her and started to tell her that we were praying and asked if she wanted any prayer.  She replied, "Do I have to do anything?"  The answer is, no, we just want to pray for you, no gimmick.  So I asked her if there was anything in particular she wanted prayer for and she told me she was pregnant.  So I prayed for God to bless her and her unborn baby and to keep both of them safe and healthy, a very simple prayer.  When it was over, she had a huge smile on her face and said, "That was so amazing!"  Then she thanked me and gave me a HUGE hug.  She was a complete stranger that God brought joy to through prayer and she boosted my spirits for the Lord and for prayer.  It was such a blessing.

Prayer is a way of life, not just a pastime.  If we can trust God to do wonders through prayer, He will provide, in the good times and bad.  He is so amazing and I pray that all the people we talked to or passed by will be blessed.

God Does Provide.

After "hitting the wall" this last week, God started to reveal to me why He's testing me.. He's testing my trust, patience, and my very faith in Him.  It's good to know the reasons behind the seasons, eh?  So after beginning to understand His way of doing things I decided, "This is it, either you trust Him 100% now or you never will."

Here I am, being held in my Lord and savior's arms and I feel great.  Getting over the tough questions did wonders for me.. and I'm sure there are many to overcome in the future, but that's ok.  I'm trusting Him in everything, even in my finances which, let me tell you, is extremely difficult to let go of.

However, DTS as a whole is still in need of $22, 500 by Friday.

But God is already moving in amazing ways and He WILL provide.

As Psalm 23 says, "The Lord is my shepherd" and He will remove all fears from our hearts and longs to bless us as His followers.

Wearing down.

Its been six weeks now and I'm starting to feel as if I'm wearing down.  Now that the newness is gone, I'm questioning whether or not I really even know God.  It's a confusing place to be..

So here I am.

Life savings completely drained.

All of my college money out the door.

And still no sign of seeing the rest of my funds met.

I guess I'm curious about why I'm really here.  The lessons have been amazing, the friends I've made are priceless, but in the end I'm starting to wonder if I'm really any different than when I left home.  It feels like a giant youth rally or conference where you're all hyped when you're there but as soon as you get home, everything goes back to normal.  For me, that was wondering what in the world I'm doing with my life.  Living with my parents, working two jobs, and not showing any sign of advancement.  I'm hoping that's not the case.

And I suppose God is super confusing as well.  Aspects of His character don't make sense.  Why does He heal one person but allow another to die?  Why does He miraculously provide support for an individual but leaves another completely hanging?  Do we serve a selective God?  From what I've read, He isn't like that.  But from what I've seen, He is.

Who is God?

And why am I here?

I think everyone hits a point like this in their life.  To write it down helps me to understand what I'm feeling.  I need God more than ever.

To Africa or Not to Africa: that is the question.

Wow. God is moving in my life and it is an absolutely amazing feeling.  While spending time with God, I asked Him to start to reveal His heart for me.  That's when I got a picture of my head and it zoomed in to my brain to show photographs of African children and then it panned out to show my heart.  With every beat of my heart, another photo of African children would emerge.

Africa?

Children?

Maybe.

I've really been asking about work with children lately so that was huge confirmation.  I've always known that I have a gift for working with children but God has been reminding me continuously lately in intercession, prayer and quiet time with Him.  Furthermore, every time we do intercession in a group, we get something about Africa and the youth there.

Sign?

Possibly.

So I searched for children's ministries in Africa and the first one to pop up on the page was:

anotherhope.org

Its a Christian based orphanage that works with HIV/AIDS children in Uganda.  The volunteers coordinate programs including normal school subjects, art, dance, sports and health classes.  The orphanage has a school for the orphans as well as for children in the community whose parents can't afford to send them to school.  The cost of living as a volunteer there is EXTREMELY cheap.. they need help like crazy.

So I'm going to be praying a LOT about it.  If you would please support me in prayer, it would be greatly appreciated.

I love you all and miss you lots.

Hitting Home.

powerful.

powerful.

powerful.

Joe and Shellie Ford were here this week talking about spiritual warfare and it was overwhelming.  I could actually feel that I was battling with evil forces.. ok, this sounds crazy, I know, but hear me out.  Every time I tried to spend time with God whether it be in prayer, quiet time, or lecture, my mind was flooded with useless thoughts that I knew weren't my own.  I tried to reach God and the rush would happen every single time.  On Friday, we had a prayer session with Shellie and let me tell you, she has an out of this world ability to convey the words and spirit of God.  Once again, I was trying with all of my might to reach God and I just couldn't focus.  That's when Shellie came up behind me, held me, and spoke into my ear, "God has a word for you."

Powerful.

Then she went on to pray for me and remind of the greatness of God.  God is powerful and wants to take all of my burdens and distraction from me.  Even if I'm not strong enough to get through the evil flood that I'm drowning in, God can sweep me out of it and hold me in His arms.  God will meet me where I am if I seek Him.  I need to have faith that He is powerful, that He is stronger than all the things that weigh on my heart.  I will forever be changed because of this experience.  God is HUGE, I can't even describe the feeling I have right now.  Ever since Shellie prayed with me, I haven't been under the attack of useless thoughts or evil forces.. it is amazing.  It is because God is bigger than everything, and He's got a hold of me.

Disconnect.

During quiet time today, God really opened my eyes to mistakes I have been making.  I've definitely wasted time with useless things such as facebook, my iPod, and my cell phone while I've been here.  God really called me out because I have been extremely distracted so I asked Him to show me what to change.  He wants me to fast from technology.. therefore, I will not be on here for a while.  He said a week, but I may go longer without it.. we'll see.

I hope all of you are well and I pray that you are blessed daily.

I love all of you and am so thankful for all of your support.

Peace easy.

Losing Sleep and Money.. QUICKLY

So I find it extremely hard to sleep here.  My body is screaming for sleep and I just lay there hoping that I may sleep.  But I hardly ever do.. I'm so drained right now but I'm still having the time of my life and God is doing awesome things in all of our hearts.

On the other hand.  Laundromats are definitely of the devil.  They milk you for all your worth and when you're a DTS student, you aren't worth much ;]  So my funds are definitely dwindling and I'm praying for a miracle!

I hope all of you are well. Have a great week!