So here I am.
Life savings completely drained.
All of my college money out the door.
And still no sign of seeing the rest of my funds met.
I guess I'm curious about why I'm really here. The lessons have been amazing, the friends I've made are priceless, but in the end I'm starting to wonder if I'm really any different than when I left home. It feels like a giant youth rally or conference where you're all hyped when you're there but as soon as you get home, everything goes back to normal. For me, that was wondering what in the world I'm doing with my life. Living with my parents, working two jobs, and not showing any sign of advancement. I'm hoping that's not the case.
And I suppose God is super confusing as well. Aspects of His character don't make sense. Why does He heal one person but allow another to die? Why does He miraculously provide support for an individual but leaves another completely hanging? Do we serve a selective God? From what I've read, He isn't like that. But from what I've seen, He is.
Who is God?
And why am I here?
I think everyone hits a point like this in their life. To write it down helps me to understand what I'm feeling. I need God more than ever.
I love you Tori!
ReplyDeleteI've been there too. I've been there a lot actually. I often times look at the world around me and think it would be easier to just walk away. In the end I always come back with the knowledge that I need God, and when I REALLY look at the world around me, I can't understand how I could live without Him. We've had some of the prettiest sunrises and sunsets here in Cheyenne lately and when I'm driving I just have to take a moment. I turn off my music and just Praise God because I see that sky and I know we serve an amazing God. I'll be praying for you Tori. I pray God sends you an AWE moment. : )
Hey Tor. Been there many times in my life and have so often wished God would drop a note from heaven so I'd know what I should be doing. Sometimes God just want us to be OK with where we are and to find peace in Him alone not in our circumstances. The more we struggle to figure it all out, the less we open our hearts to God's plan. Just be content right now that you are learning more about God and know without a doubt that He has a plan for you. Be patient as He reveals it to you... not a trait in the Smith women I know! Love you mucho! Mom :)
ReplyDeleteTori,
ReplyDeleteOne thing I love about you is the honest way you communicate. For sure, God loves that too. If it is any comfort to you, week 6 usually begins like this. Adjustments and new people and excitement give way to the reality that you are seeking more than that. You are yearning for more than that. A relationship with an amazing God who is kind and just in all His ways.
I am pretty old as you know, and if it helps I can assure you that the journey is worth it. You are not along for a ride without hope. You signed up for more than you had, and only He knows how to help you to take the next steps of faith to become an Unmistakable!
In all of my life, I have never seen Him fail to do it. He has your journey mapped out for you. And the questions and struggle are part of the plan. It brings you to a deeper love and a real knowing.
Remember Jeremiah 29 If you seek Him, you will find Him, when you search for Him with all of your heart. He will be found of you.
Love you more each time I see into your heart and the amazing young woman of God you are and are becoming.
Debi