No Sleep Thrifting

Today I woke up at 7:20 and wasn't too stoked seeing as it is a Saturday.  On the other hand, I got to finish up quite a bit of my homework before we ventured out on our thrifting journey... which was interesting.

Let's just say that 16 people can't all do the same thing without a few conflicts coming up.. freezing Boston.. everyone's tired.. I'm sure you get the picture.  Anyway.. we finally made it to the Garment District at 6:00 pm and found some pretty schwank items. Hooray.. eh?

Another week is almost gone..

Wow. Tomorrow is the last day of lecture before we hit the weekend and I can't believe how quickly the week has passed. Today was really refreshing.  We started with quiet time and intercession and then Debi talked about learning styles and encouragement. I found out that I have an interpersonal learning styles which means I work well with us and try to keep the peace in large settings.. that's good, eh? Encouragement just blew me away. She had all of us write on a piece of paper a bit of encouragement about someone else. It was amazing the things people said about me that I don't see about myself and I instantly smiled. It was also awesome to be able to encourage others because every person here has a wonderful heart, personality and realness about them.

Tonight we had another community worship night and it was fabulous.  I love praising God along with the rest of my class. For now, I'm eating with the roomies, like we always do.. G'night, and love you all.

Batisia v. Argothia

IT'S ON.

Yes, a war has begun.  After a series of "brutal attacks" ('Hail Argothia' written all over our fruit, cotton balls in our cereal, mismatched PopTarts, and revenge notes), the women of Bafatisia have decided to fight back.  I will keep you all updated.. a prank war in the making is quite exciting if I do say so myself.

Try to keep up ;]

Intercession, Taxi Man and more Intriguing stories

Can I just say that intercession completely rocked my world today?

So Jill Bills was here this week to teach us on hearing God's voice and intercession and I am totally blown away by how much I have been effected by it all.  Here's an intercession story for you.. and it was out of this world.

Kirstie, Jared and I gathered our chairs and started intercession not really knowing what to expect.  Asking God to show us something, anything, all of us began to get images, words and feelings that were overwhelming.  Kirstie saw a taxi driver.  I saw inmates from above, looking through a grate in the floor and the words "Give me rest."  Jared saw a river flowing never at rest.  Ok, God.  What's this? So we went back to God and asked Him to connect our thoughts.  He showed me the scripture Psalm 32:3 "When I kept things to myself, I felt weak deep inside me.  I moaned all day long."  Inmates, right?  Prisoners of our thoughts and emotions.  Next He showed us Ecclesiastes 1:7-9 "All the rivers flow to the sea, but the sea never becomes full.  Everything is boring, so boring that you don't even want to talk about it.  Words come again and again to our ears, but we never hear enough, nor can we ever really see all we want to see."  River, eh?  Finally, Hebrews 4:6-7 "It is still true that some people will enter God's rest, but those who first heard the way to be saved did not enter, because they did not obey.  So God planned another day, called "today."  He spoke about that day through David a long time later in the same scripture used before: 'Today listen to what He says.  Do not be stubborn.' (Psalm 95:7-8)"  Does that not scream, "Give me rest?"

So God's like HELLO.  Then I got a picture of hands raised in the air in total submission to God.  The three of us started to work it out and realized that all three of us had been held prisoner by our own skepticism... whether it be with giving up control to God or following what He asked us to do.  We will never get our fill of God.. just like the sea will never become full because of the rivers running into it.  We will never find rest though until we surrender our lives to the Lord.  We need to listen to Him and follow what He asks of us and never doubt Him.

This was an eye-opening experiencing.  Remember.  Entering into intercession, we didn't discuss any of the things I mentioned nor did we have an agenda.  God started with a clean slate and painted a picture that deeply effected the three of us.  One, we agreed, we all needed to see.

*****

Ok.  Taxi Man.

Walking home to Emerson Street, Amber, Savannah and I were just talking, laughing and doing our usual thing when out of no where this van comes screaming down the street, screeching tires and all.  We all did the girl thing, running in circles, screaming before we lined ourselves up as far over to the side of the road as we could.  That's when he decided to SLAM on his breaks and stare/glare at us for what seemed like an eternity WITH THE WINDOW DOWN.  Who does that?  Then he sped off again and left us scared and confused.  So we took off running, freaked out because this creeper just about killed/abducted us with his crazy taxi van.  So we're running... out of breath... scared to death when we hear more screeching tires!  Was it the taxi man? Who knows, we started to sprint down the road and couldn't even collect ourselves.  It happened again about a block down the street and Amber hurled herself behind a large snow drift leaving Savannah and I to fend for ourselves.  That's when we ran into Aaron, Jared and Lucas who intervened and may have saved our lives.  I know, I'm a little melodramatic.  Anywho.. all I can see in my mind is that creeper Taxi Man and his van with only one headlight hunting us down.

BEWARE THE TAXI MAN

Lifting up our praise..

Tonight was amazing to say the least.  I have never once experienced something so genuine in my entire life.  It started out as a "normal" worship session.. if there is such a thing, and quickly escalated to all of us falling on our knees and singing our own songs to Jesus, our savior.  Somehow, we all managed to blend in harmony although none of us were singing the same things.  Most of us were moved to tears and crying out to God to change us and take all that we are.  I can't even describe it.  I was truly moved and feel as if I have gotten over a major barrier with Christ.  It was so awesome to hear everyone's praise.  How could anyone deny God after seeing and hearing our brokenness?  And I'm still in awe..

LOST!

Today was.. interesting.  The morning and our "lecture" (quotes because it's actually fun and enjoyable) was amazing.  We are talking about intercession and learning the voice of God.  It was amazing for me to hear that a relationship with God shouldn't be something scary or formal.  It's something real, genuine.. a friendship.  No one had ever told me that I should EXPECT God to answer me when I talk to Him, and knowing that makes a real difference.  I feel like I can have a real conversation with Him now.  In our quiet time, He showed me two images that will forever stick in my mind.   1) A seed growing into a flower- this showed me that God still has a lot more to teach me and that I am still growing and learning how to walk with Him.  2) Me sitting in the exact room in which I was doing my devotion with what I presume Jesus to look like holding me in His arms- while I saw this, He was letting me know that I'm not alone.  I had expressed to Him earlier that I was frustrated that I couldn't hear Him and those images made it all worth while.  I won't go into detail about the other things.. It was all so personal, so real, so amazing.  God surprises me every day.

Now to the LOST/interesting part.  Savannah, Amber (two of my housemates) and I decided to walk to the downtown area of Newton to go to Stop & Shop (a grocery store).  We walked all the way up Pearl Street and headed onto the main street and with full confidence headed to the left, never stopping to glance to our right.  So we're walking and talking, laughing the whole way and taking in the scenery.  Five stores pass, then ten, then a Dunkin' Donuts.. and we keep walking.  Pretty soon we hit a residential area.. ummm.. yeah.  "Where in the heck are we?!"  We were all totally turned around and had no clue where to turn.  By this point, we had been walking for almost half an hour.  We tried flagging down people in cars to ask where the stupid Stop & Shop was.. the only person that rolled down his window wasn't from around here.  Once we felt completely defeated in that area, we decided to walk back in the direction from which we came.  So we stopped at Dunkin' Donuts, the addiction of the East coast, and got coffee to warm up and saw two cops sitting in the corner.  Unfortunately, none of us could work up the courage to ask them so we talked to the girl at the counter and found out we had gone in the completely wrong direction.  WoW.  That's where we ran into Jon and Matt and they decided to join us on our excursion.

So off we head in the opposite direction and eventually find the Stop & Shop.  Thank the Lord.  Second dilemma.  Once we were finished shopping, we couldn't find Pearl Street!  Mind you, nearly three hours had already passed.  Needless to say, we were tired and a little cold but it definitely made for a good story.  I know it's not as funny on here but getting lost in a new place is always exciting.

Well I miss you all and Love you. Blessings.

slight butterflies

Tomorrow is our first official day of class and I have to admit that I am slightly nervous.  I'm frightened, in part, by what God will be doing in my life.  I have always somewhat hidden from my flaws and am waiting for a lot of "A-Ha!" moments.  There's definitely a barrier between God and myself in my personal relationship with Him and I can't wait for that to dissolve.  I'm yearning for a strong, completely sincere relationship with Him so that I can reach others with His word.  For now, I have a few assignments to finish and am quite ready to get a cup of hot cocoa and just chill.. I miss all of you back home and can't wait to see you when I get back.  And I found out we are going to Ireland, Scotland, and the UK and when we get back to Boston we will be helping out with Joshua Generation, a program for youth and teens.  WORD.

Improv

Wow.  Tonight we had a complete improv worship session that was ignited by the students.  It started with three and then rapidly multiplied to fifteen of us lifting up songs of praise to our loving God.  It was beautiful and the harmony was so soothing.  I am blown away by how passionate everyone is and I can't wait to be broken and put back together in the way God sees me..  this is already amazing.

Now I can finally breathe..

So I'm in Boston and it is amazing!  It is so different from Wyoming and it is going to be great for me to experience such a counter-culture.  Everyone here is so open and friendly and I can tell we will be tight.. that's fo sho.  As soon as I got to our base, they put me on the task of making brownies for dinner.  We have even started sharing our testimonies and it is so humbling to hear everyone's love for God.  I love that we are already forming our YWAM family. =]

A little sad though.. United put my bags on the wrong flight so I am still awaiting their arrival.  I guess this is an answer to my prayers.. I asked God to make me content with what I have and He has definitely been giving me a lesson tonight.

Well I'll keep in touch.

Love

Don't Wake Me, I Plan on Sleeping In..

I'm wondering when I will ever sleep again.  The past few nights have definitely been troublesome.. I just lay there and let my mind wander, tossing and turning growing evermore exhausted.  I'm not sure if it is my nerves or the lingering thoughts of my recent confessions that keep me from sleep.. perhaps it is a combination.  I don't think that I have ever been more nervous and excited for anything in my entire life.  The next few months will challenge me wholly and I could really use the sleep to keep up.  I know God will eventually give me rest.  It is possible that He's keeping me up for a reason.  In fact, my devotions have been much more productive on these recent sleepless nights and for me, that's a sign of how amazing the coming months will be.

Wishing you many blessings..

and restful nights.

Hoorah!

I am halfway packed.  It's a fabulous feeling and DTS is so close, I can almost taste the Boston cream pie =]

Love you all.

Don't forget to...

Breathe.

With the days standing between YWAM and me winding down, I am finding that it is becoming increasingly more difficult to get everything done.  This could be, in part, because I am the world's best procrastinator or the fact that I am simply too nervous to concentrate on the tasks at hand.  Whatever the reason, I am definitely freaking out and sometimes even forget to breathe.

How do you find enough time in the day to do everything?

To see everyone.

To commit to everything..

So, on top of having to say goodbye to one of the most amazing people I have ever met, I am also sleep deprived.. and my schedule is waaack.  When you have a thousand and half things to do, it's not the best idea to sleep in til noon.. and the days are growing shorter.. I am stressing out.

Time to get serious.

fo real.

To stand in awe...

awe n. 1 a mixed feeling of reverence, fear, and wonder, caused by something majestic, sublime, sacred, etc. to stand (or be) in awe of to respect and fear


What a feeling it is to be in awe. The past few weeks have left me hanging in somewhat of a stupor, what with all the planning and tying up lose ends just trying to ready myself for the intense journey I'll be on. However, my time of apathetic frenzy has allowed me to put my life into perspective, and for that, I am very thankful. And to be quite honest, I am scared out of my mind.

I suppose I should give you the background of my life.. the "how I got here" segment because I believe that without my past, without recounting the events that hurt, mortified, enlightened etc. my mindset and being, the present is simply an illusion. I know that it is definitely cliche', but I don't regret anything in my past.. and I refuse to reject the person I "used to be" for their is still a glimmer of that person in all that I do.

I was raised in a Christian home, with two loving parents, a sister, and always, always a pet. My childhood was quite enjoyable. Each Sunday we went to church and I got dropped off at Sunday School. For the most part, I liked church. I liked singing songs, doing crafts, and eating snack; but Jesus was just a guy in the picture books they read to us. But I went along with the fun and the next step of the church scene was to get "saved," not that I really knew what I was doing, that was just what you did at church. So there I was, seven years old and saved. Pretty amazing, right?

Wrong. I had no clue what commitment I had made and it honestly didn't mean anything to me. I kept going to church but eventually quit going to Sunday School and as the years passed, I didn't get involved with the youth group or any bible studies. Let me explain small town politics, I'm sure if you live in one, you will understand exactly what I am saying. Everyone knows everything about everybody and if they hear something "bad" about you, you're out of the circle, an outsider. I tried out youth group and I just stood in the corner and watched as they looked me up and down and laughed or pointed. Most of the girls that went to youth group went to small country schools and already had their little cliques with no room for one more. It was then that I got a perception of Christians that was hard to reverse. To me, they were stuck-up, inconsiderate and hypocritical and I had no desire to be apart of that. Gradually, I even let go of going to church, seeing as I was now in high school and was starting to make my own choices.

So there I was, a Christian turned un-Christian and not quite sure what to do with myself. I'll paint you a picture of myself my freshman and sophomore years of high school: black hair and an even darker soul, salty as a sailor when it came to my extensive vocabulary, and an even less than depressing disposition. I was a girl that people avoided but that didn't get me down. I had my group, my posse, the girls that listened to "slit your wrist music" and quite literally followed the example. I was miserable, but somehow happy to live that way. Then my world was turned upside down and I fell into an even darker pit with no means to get out.

My sophomore year of high school, we moved to Cheyenne, population 54,000 (nine times larger than Sidney) and I was enrolled at East High School. The school had over 1,500 students and my class alone started at 476 students, much different than my entire school of 390. On my first day of school, I just sat on a bench, just watching the students fly by me. I was so alone, it was ridiculous. I could have fell down dead in the middle of the hallway and still have no one notice me. I was terrified, scared to death of being alone. But then a boy took interest in me and that all changed. Although we only dated for under three months, I was hooked. He was the only person I hung out with for that whole time and I neglected finding friends because I was so into him, seeing as he was my first boyfriend. We did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Parties, being one of them. I remember being shocked when I walked into a house where people were snorting cocaine off a coffee table and getting high in the kitchen, I had never seen anything like that coming from a small town. But I kept quiet and continued to bounce from party to party, sometimes partaking in the events.

When our relationship ended, I fell off the deep end. Once again, I was alone. I had no friends at school and the only people who could consul me lived 100 miles away. I was depressed, afraid, and indifferent about the world. I cried, a lot. I had never been so miserable. I would take being angry at the world over the feelings I had then. I hated school, I hated Cheyenne.. and I even hated my family and that's what hurt me the most. I had never been close to my family. I would always take hanging out with my friends over going to family gatherings and now I needed them more than ever but I couldn't talk to them. I couldn't tell them what was going on or how I was feeling and that was terrifying. So I went on that way for quite some time, always taking more and more risks and not really caring, afterall, I had nothing to lose.

The next few years were a blur. I cleaned up a bit from my mania and floated through school eventually finding a few friends to spend my time with. It was good to laugh again, to find a smile. It was during that time that I took a job at the Boys & Girls Club and that's where I learned to live again. For me, it was so refreshing to work with kids and find that they are virtually drama free. They love life and they rarely ever let things get them down. They taught me how to breathe again, to enjoy the small things of life and take it easy. I opened so much as a person, I was more outgoing and was able to gain more friends because of it. My life was starting to turn around and I was becoming eager for the future. I was ready to trade in my crappy high school experience for the real world.

By the beginning of my senior year, I was content with the way things had turned out but I knew there was something missing.. I just wasn't sure what. In November, my mom asked if I wanted to try out a new church; by this point I hadn't attended church by own will for years, but I didn't think it would hurt to just tag along.

They met in a movie theatre.
The music was loud.
The message compelling.

I don't really remember what the sermon was about that day, I just remember saying "that's me, and I need to change." I had needed that for so long. I had needed someone to point out my flaws and tell me it was ok. I was amazed when they said that God would love me even after all the horrible things I had done and I was ready to change my life once again. I decided to recommit my life and tried to redeem myself of my perception of Christians. For me, that had to start with youth group, the place where the alienation began. Oh, how I was wrong. For starters, Heather and Curtis Marshall, the leaders, are two of the most caring and loving people I have ever met. Each week, they opened their house to the youth of church and taught me how to be a humble Christian. Without them, I would not be heading in the direction that I am now and I am so thankful for their family. It was through youth group that I also met some of the best friends I have ever had, friends that I will have for the rest of my life.

As the months went on, I tried to pursue Christ with all of my being, but continued to fail and look back at my old life. I didn't want to go back to that place so I kept going headstrong, knowing that I couldn't give up. It wasn't until Desperation, a youth and college age conferece, in July of 2008 that I really knew what God could do for me. I had always heard people talk about how they could feel the prescence of Him but I thought they were crazy! But at Desperation, I finally knew what they were talking about. It was at that point that I knew, "He's real!" That's when I started to stand in awe of the Lord and I let Him lead me to Youth With a Mission and I knew that was what I was supposed to do. So after many arguments with my parents, backing out of college, and lining up two jobs, it was time to apply.

I waited, and waited, and waited for a reply, growing more and more hopeless as the months passed.

Finally, in November, I received a rather large packet from YWAM Boston stating I was in. That's when the true fear began. I'm still getting used to the Christian scene.. I don't know my Bible.. I don't understand it.. but what I do understand is that God called me to do this. So compared to the other students, I may be a little behind but that's what I'm going for. When God tells you to do something, you do it and He doesn't judge me because I can't name all the books of the Bible, He is loving and patient.

So here I am.. nine days out, excited but terrified. I know that God will be with me each step of the way along with the support and prayers of all my family and friends. There's no looking back, I'm in desperate pursuit of Christ and equally as desperate to show Christ to others who are just like me. I can't praise God enough for helping me out the darkness.

So blessings to you, and thank you for your support.. I can't do this without you.